When my surgery date was scheduled – it felt like the day couldn’t come fast enough. Yet, the past 2 weeks have flown by in another fog filled time lapse with blank moments and anxiety. I am experiencing the need to ‘nest’ like I did when I was pregnant. I have to get everything ready. I’m preparing for something like many first time mothers experience. I tried explaining it to my girls and they smiled at me and said ‘mama, you’re giving us an analogy for something we’ve never been through.’ Just like new mom’s today who are expecting their first child, I have all this information at my fingertips, yet I still feel like I won’t really know until it happens what it’s actually going to be like and this feeling takes me back 21 years ago when I was expecting my first child.
After the date was set I decided that I needed to go on a trip. If I’m feeling the need to nest, is this the baby moon trip? I am not ashamed to share that I suffer from wanderlust – I think it comes from being a military brat – traveling is so important to me – it is experiencing life and I treasure the times I’ve been able to travel and see the world and share incredible memories with my children. The year we went to Florida and swam with the manatees…my kids can’t tell you what they got for Christmas, but they’ll never forget the baby manatee nursing from it’s mother as they swam underneath us and the one they named Chewy who hung out by the boat chewing on the rope.
I started to feel like if not now, when? I only have today, this moment – these days before surgery where I am still me with my body and hair as I have known myself for the past 46 years.
I met with my physical therapist and she went over what I can and can’t do after surgery. I asked her if I could travel 2 weeks after surgery between getting my drains out and before I start treatment. She reminded me that I may not even be driving by then. That I won’t be able to pull my own suitcase or lift more than a gallon of milk – that I can’t raise my arms more than 90 degrees and on week 3 after surgery I can go on walks for 20-30 minutes. She started talking about avoiding the risk of Lymphedema and while I thought I was listening I realize that I was glazing over something very serious.
I found this on wikipedia, but this is days after I read a cancer blog about someone who had 16 lymph nodes removed in surgery and experienced Lymphedema 1 year later.
Lymphedema is a condition of localized swelling caused by a compromised lymphatic system. The lymphatic system functions as a critical portion of the body’s immune system and returns interstitial fluid to the bloodstream. Lymphedema is most frequently a complication of cancer treatment or parasitic infections, but it can also be seen in a number of genetic disorders. Though incurable and progressive, a number of treatments can improve symptoms. Tissues with lymphedema are at high risk of infection because the lymphatic system has been compromised. While there is no cure, treatment may improve outcomes.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphedema
Another thing to add to the reality of my life. I shouldn’t plan to travel anywhere until I’ve healed. That sucks. Healing is very important. The PT made everything start to feel really real.
Instead of planning travel, I’ve been focusing on the things I have to do. My legal paperwork is ready; the medical POA/living will & last will and testament. I finished my taxes. My house got a deep clean. I moved the girls into a shared room and I took the other bedroom. I started a subscription to Daily Harvest so we could have healthy, easy meals to prepare for breakfast and lunch. My friend started a meal train for dinner and rides until I’m cleared to drive, she also sent me 2 mastectomy shirts that I can wear home from the hospital. I ordered a few other clothing items that will accommodate not being able to raise my arms. A jumpsuit that I can step into, zip hoodies that are soft to the skin so that I can wear them by themselves and a button down.
The past couple of weeks the girls and I have some days where we are so productive and busy and other days where we just give ourselves grace and space to just be. They haven’t had volleyball on the past 2 weekends so we’ve slept in, watched too much Tik Tok or Netflix and just focused on slowing down and relaxing. On Easter Sunday Luke brought over spike ball and that was a lot of fun. The days ticked down to 24 hours before my procedure. I think everything is as ready as it can be. I decided last minute yesterday that I wanted a family photo and everyone obliged. Lighting wasn’t great, but we were all there and that is what matters.
I AM JULIE STRONG 