Now what?

I told my children. That was hard. My son was calm, and he had already shown that he would be the rock for this family when I couldn’t be. I will never forget the worried look on Olivia & Anna’s faces. Holding each other while tears stream down their cheeks, they turn and look at me and tell me know that they would shave their heads with me if I needed chemo. I am taken aback by it and let them know I won’t let them.

There’s nothing I can do until we get Her 2 results back, and I have a treatment plan, so I went back to work, back to life. I buried myself in it that whole week. I had a lot to catch up on anyway. I feel like I lost a full week of my life.

I started to google things like ‘How to prepare for cancer,’ and everything kept directing me to sites on how to prepare for surgery, chemo, radiation, etc. I’m frustrated because I want to know what I need to do to prepare my personal affairs for cancer. I want a step-by-step ‘for dummies’ version of things that I clearly know, but felt too overwhelmed.

So, I called my friend who has an insurance business and breast cancer. I told her that I was sure the ship had already sailed but was there anything I could do to cover my finances while I was going through this. I know I will need time off, and I currently have 2 weeks of paid PTO. No savings. Don’t Judge! As a single mom living in Boulder, Colorado, it is incredibly hard to save money on one income. Their father has chosen to not be involved with parenting or providing for his kids since we separated when they were 2 & 3 years old. They are now 13 & 14.5, so I’ve been doing this on my own for over a decade. We rent a 2BR 800sq ft condo which is the cheapest I could find in Boulder so I could keep them in the same school. The girls each have their own rooms and I have a daybed set up in the living room. My point is we don’t have a lavish lifestyle, but we are happy. The girls go to a good school, have a great circle of friends and are thriving. My friend tells me that she wishes there was something she could do and will look into programs available through the state. But, honestly – it’s too late to do anything after a cancer diagnosis.

Aside from finances and worrying about how I’m going to pay my bills, the next big one for me is having a medical power of attorney and a living will. Why don’t I already have these things??? I am so mad and embarrassed that I didn’t make supplemental insurance and legal paperwork a priority before now.

Here is my PSA, and hear me loud and clear. When people say to get your mammograms. Do it. Have insurance beyond regular medical and get your life legal paperwork in order, so you don’t put that burden on someone to make decisions on your behalf without it.

I met with Nanna in person the following week. After the frequent phone calls and her ability to get shit done, I now feel like she is my ‘Nanna.’ She’s been doing this a long time, and she is really, really good. She wanted to know what questions I had and how she could help. I told her that my kids are my priority, and I need to ensure their needs are taken care of. Can she recommend a therapist with experience with teen girls whose mother has breast cancer? They’ve asked me if they can go to therapy, and I’d love a referral. She said she would find someone and get back to me. She also scheduled my MRI while I was there. I told her I was in new territory. No one has ever scheduled an appointment for me. I felt loved and that I was in good hands. Nanna will be the person who will get me through this medical maze.

Nanna spent a lot of time talking about how I will have to learn to let people help me.

Nobody should wait until something happens to have the right things in place, but I suspect most of us do, and then it’s too late. My midwife I had with Olivia posted this the day after my diagnosis.