The next day

The next day I tried to work. I couldn’t talk without crying. They gave me time off to process. I called my doctor, who gave me the imaging referral, and asked her why the radiologist would say she’s worried that it’s cancer. What did she see on the imaging that would make her say that? If a biopsy is needed to determine if the mass in my breast is cancerous and I have to wait 11 days for a biopsy and who knows how many days after to get the pathology report…how is a person supposed to keep going on as normal? She responded that she’d call over and get the imaging report and would call me back.

Less than an hour later, I get a call from Nanna. She’s an oncology navigation nurse. She understood where I was and was going to see what she could do to get my biopsy appointment moved up. The day was a blur. Nanna moved my appointment up to the following Tuesday. I only needed to get through the weekend.

Olivia has her first job interview today at Sweet Cow. Anna has a Red Carpet Murder Mystery birthday party on Saturday. The girls have a tournament on Sunday. Plenty to distract me until then. Except it didn’t. I realized that I was starting to experience the stages of grief.

At first, it was shock. Then anger set in. I needed to have the house clean before my biopsy. I can’t function in a cluttered, disorganized space. My kids are busy; we are all busy, but they weren’t helping or cleaning or doing anything I asked (like putting their clean laundry away). There was still Christmas stuff out that needed to go into storage. I was angry.

Anger is Fear, Hurt or Unmet Expectations, and I felt all of them.

Okay – I can do this. Just keep busy.