Mammography Day

January 27 at noon, I find myself back at BCH mammography, same pink gown with a referral for a diagnostic mammogram & ultrasound from the doc who did my breast exam the day before. Two hours later, I’m still lying down on the bed in the room where they did the ultrasound, and the radiologist comes in and sits down on the stool. I sit up. We are eye to eye level, and she says to me.

“I’ve looked at all of your images from today’s visit, and I’m worried it’s cancer. I know that’s not the news you had hoped to hear today. We’re going to have to do a biopsy to confirm. Do you have any questions?”

Do I have any questions? My whole body felt paralyzed. I couldn’t think. I held back the tears. I answered her, “no.” The ultrasound nurse handed me a tissue box. It was Sue who gave me her direct line to reschedule my appointment from the week before. While she was doing the ultrasound, Sue talked about why she got into this career — she had lost a friend to Breast Cancer when she was very young. She handed me a 5×7 pamphlet and let me know that the next steps were to schedule the biopsy. She put me on the calendar for February 7. I got dressed and left, sat in my car in the parking lot, and couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t think.

I had a volleyball carpool later that night. I took everything that just happened and stuffed it into a box, and packed it away. It will have to wait.