Love your Life

Truth: Right now, I have so much fear to share my thoughts and experiences publicly, where other people can read them. I’ve always been a very private, independent person. There’s so much in my head and heart that is begging to be set free – so here we go. Welcome to my world.

A long, long time ago, I used to write all the time (before college and children) and have always wanted to get back to writing, but I have never made time for it, or for myself, or for things that I love to do. The pandemic changed many things for me in 2020 & 2021, and I started on a journey to find myself again.

As a single parent, I lost myself over the years. I became this person I was proud to be, dedicated to my children and my work and being there for others. There was no time for anything else between school events, carpools, birthday parties, sleepovers, skinned knees, broken wrists, and working overtime, among all the other things.

Before the end of 2021, I got a jumpstart on a new beginning for me in 2022. I know how hard it is to start something in the bitter cold of January and February and stick with it. Habits and routines take time to form and develop into your lifestyle where it feels second nature and no longer an effort. I started on my health goals, reading motivational & self-help books, implementing a daily gratitude practice, doing shadow work, and identifying and setting goals for my higher self. In January this year, I was cleaning out and organizing paperwork. I found a mammogram screening referral from my doctor from May 2021. Then I remembered that lump that I started to notice last fall and noted that it was more prominent. I decided to make an appointment.

I learned that a mammogram screen can be scheduled weeks out, so I waited patiently for my appointment for almost 3 weeks. On Friday, January 21st, I went to mammography at Boulder Community Hospital, put on a pink gown, and sat in the waiting room to be called back. When I went in, the nurse asked me if there was anything unusual, and I told her about the lump. She asked me if I had been seen by a doctor since I discovered the lump, and I told her back in May, but that was before I felt the lump. She said she’d be right back and came back in with another nurse. They told me that they wouldn’t be doing the screening today. I’d have to go back to my doctor to have a breast exam, and the doctor would need to determine if they should order a diagnostic mammogram. I left feeling crushed. I was there and ready to find out what this was. It took me over 6 months to make time for myself to do this, and I took time off work and, and, and what do I do now? Wait another 3 weeks? Then fear set in. The nurse gave me her direct line to get me rescheduled. That felt better.